I served onboard the USS Enterprise for 6 years. I think I’m entitled for a little fun ;)
A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first!” says the Petty Officer Second Class. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next!” says the First Class. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the Genie says to the Chief.
The Chief says, “I want those two back on the ship right after lunch.”
“The Chief and the Gunny”
An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who’d had the tougher career.
“I did 30 years in the Corps,” the Gunny declared proudly, “and fought in three of my country’s wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.
“As a Sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.
“Finally, as a Gunny Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we’d fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we’d charge the enemy with bayonets!”
“Ah,” said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, “all shore duty, huh?”
“A Mustang’s Hunting Dog”
A Mustang retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Alaska. He invited an old Admiral friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the Mustang’s new bird dog, “Chief”. The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.
The Admiral offered to buy the dog at any price. The Mustang declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn’t part with him. Six months later the same Admiral returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Mustang breaking in a new dog.
“What happened to Chief?” he asked. “Had to shoot him,” the Mustang replied. “Another old shipmate came to hunt with me and couldn’t remember the dog’s name. He kept calling him ‘Master Chief.’ After that, all the dog would do was sit on his butt and bark.”
“The Five Most Dangerous Things in the US Navy”
A Seaman saying, “I learned this in Boot Camp…”
A Petty Officer saying, “Trust me, sir…”
A Lieutenant JG saying, “Based on my experience…”
A Lieutenant saying, “I was just thinking…”
A Chief chuckling and saying, “Watch this shit…”